Tough Love
by Lady P Darcy
Summary: After years of humiliation from Seung Jo, Oh Ha Ni finally realizes the true state of her relationship with him. Here is the story of how she struggles to move on from her tough love and how others react to her decision.
1. Chapter 1

It's been almost a whole year since I've looked at this story. To be honest I had writer's block. For a whole year? I know, that is some crazy writer's block. Anyway, to compensate, I went back and made some changes to the first chapter and (hopefully) made it much better. It's definitely longer. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

I tried my best to give him a small smile. A small smile to tell him that everything was going to turn out fine and be okay with us, with me. It was going to be okay, right? _Right?_

It wasn't.

As he looked at me with those cold expressionless eyes of his, I felt my heart drop and a coldness envelope my entire body. Those blank eyes that never showed any care or warmth towards me, only contempt and disdain. I felt it. For the first time, I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces, each piece so small and jagged that I knew my heart would never, could never go back to its original state. I knew I was an idiot, but even I wasn't that stupid not to realize that even if I tried, my heart would never, could never be the same. But maybe… Seung Jo… Seung Jo could… no. No. NO! Not even Seung Jo could piece my heart back together into what it once was. But there were moments, instances he's shown he cares about me. Maybe he did love me, right? When he would help me even though he didn't want to or when he would give me small words of encouragement. Maybe there was hope, _right?_ Memories surfaced and quickly flickered between bitter insults. "Idiot." "Pathetic." "Embarrassing." "Disgusting." "Worthless." The insults far outnumbered the encouragement. I dropped the fake smile I plastered on my face for Seung Jo. It wasn't fair. In every instance he uttered those words, I would stand in the background crying, whining, _begging_ in a desperate attempt to hold onto a non-existent relationship. It wasn't fair. Only I was holding on to a futile and pathetic love. Only I was living through the pain and heartache.

And then finally, _finally_ , I felt the last piece of adoration I had for him burst into fragments so small it was practically dust. I dropped my gaze and whispered so lightly, I'm not even sure he heard me.

"I can't do this anymore."

It was quiet for a moment except for our breathing. Even then, I could barely hear Seung Jo's light breathing over my own heavy breaths. Neither of us said anything as we continued to stand there. I finally looked up and, without meaning to, a tear slipped out from the corner of my eye. The lone tear slowly slid down my cheek as it traveled across my reddened cheeks leaving a trail of salt that dried and hardened. It was the last tear he would ever see me shed in his name. After years of following him around, after countless moments of worrying about him, too many attempts to prove myself to him, I decided that this was it. No more. I just couldn't handle it anymore – the tears, the humiliation, the self-hate, the pity. No more. I would no longer put up with it. This was the end. After too many years, I had reached an ultimatum.

But my epiphany didn't matter. The life-changing moment I had just experienced didn't matter to Seung Jo. His expression didn't change. There was no twitch, no slight movement. Nothing. His eyes remained as impassive as ever. But again, it didn't matter. It never did. Seung Jo carried the same blank look he always did.

Maybe he was right when he told me those words.

We kept staring at each other.

It was over. My shoulders slumped in exhaustion. I did not bother saying anything else. It wasn't like anything I said ever reached him. I turned around and slowly walked to the front door. I grabbed my sneakers, silently put them on and walked out. Seung Jo never said a word. He made no move to stop me. I only heard him climb the stairs as I had slipped on my shoes.

Outside the house, I didn't know what to do or where to go. I just needed to get away from Seung Jo's suddenly suffocating presence. I started walking towards the bus station. My steps were slow and heavy. The cool wind brushed my hair across my face making me shiver lightly. When I reached the bus station, I realized I had no money. What an idiot. I left and headed towards the nearby park. It started to get dark but I kept walking along with everyone out and about. There were people walking, talking, playing, laughing, _living_. After a few minutes of walking around, I decided to sit on an empty bench.

The air was getting more and more chilly and I shivered with each passing breeze. I sniffed once. I sniffed twice. Again and again. One by one tears began to cascade down my face. I looked down at the floor and stared at grass meeting concrete while my hair fell in a curtain around my face. I did not want anyone to see me. My eyes were red and my nose was stuffy. I was a mess. But no matter how messy and ugly I looked on the outside, it did not compare to what I felt like on the inside.

Inside, everything was broken. The pedestal I held Seung Jo on was in ruins – the monument that was my love wrecked and our future now nonexistent.

Future.

What future?

My sobs were loud now and I heard people muttering around me. I can't be here. I can't take strangers pointing their fingers at me. I knew I was a pathetic girl crying alone in a public place and I didn't need any confirmation of it. I didn't want anyone's pity.

I stood up but kept my head down. I did not want anyone to notice my current state. It'll be better to go home and cry in my room alone. And then I remembered father and the rest of the Baek family. Strangers were one thing, but what about my family? I didn't want Pa's shame filled eyes looking at me with pity and worry. I didn't want Auntie's pleading eyes trying to convince me to keep holding on to her stubborn son. I didn't want Eun Jo's pointed look asking me why I even expected anything from his beloved hyung or Uncle's sad gaze as he tried not to get involved into the drama I constantly created for his family.

I knew I was a pitiful person. Anyone could tell just from looking at me. But I didn't want to be that person anymore. I couldn't be that person anymore. It hurt too much. I could no longer let anyone hurt me as much as Seung Jo had and I could no longer rely entirely on others like Pa, my friends, or Auntie. I had to be my own person making my own decisions for my own self. I had to put myself first. And if that meant I had to give up on love that was fine. I wasn't going to cry anymore. It never got me anywhere in the first place.

I was going to be alone from now on. But that was fine. I was going to be fine. I had to be.

As I began my trek back to the Baek household, I did the only thing I could think of at that moment: I closed my heart and put up walls and locks all around it.


	2. Chapter 2

Like I said in the last chapter, I was stuck with the story but I've managed to find some inspiration. The story is going to start slow but it will pick up the place in the later chapters so please be patient with the pace I set. I want it to be as realistic as possible and remember that Ha Ni is human and can't become a completely new person overnight. She still has to overcome the challenges life presents and her own habits that drove her to this point. Enjoy this chapter and I promise to post the next one in a few days.

* * *

I paused outside the front door. I quickly checked my face with my hands to make sure I had no tell tale marks of my crying earlier. I knew my eyes were most likely puffy but there wasn't much I could do about that. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.

"Ha Ni, is that you?" Auntie called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, it's me!" I called back trying to keep my voice as even as I could. I debated escaping to my room but as I heard Auntie quickly making her way to the front door, I opted to take my time taking off my shoes.

"It's so windy out. What were you doing out by yourself? You could have gotten sick!" Auntie began before coming to a halt at the sight of me. "What's wrong Ha Ni? Did that stupid son of mine do something mean to you again? I swear that boy is so inconsiderate even _I_ sometimes think he was adopted or got switched at birth."

"No, no, nothing like that Auntie." I tried laughing it off. "I just took a walk around the neighborhood and being the silly ol' me, I forgot to take a sweater."

Auntie looked at me skeptically.

"I'm really okay Auntie. In fact, I haven't even talked to Seung Jo all afternoon." That was a lie, but she didn't need to know that.

"Ha Ni, if my son said or did something mean to you, tell me so I can put that boy in his place."

"No Auntie, it's really true. I just think I'm coming down with a cold or something. And while I was at the park, some kids kicked sand into the air and some of it got in my eyes. That's why my eyes got all puffy."

Auntie looked like she was debating whether or not to accept the lie I told her. I gave her a big smile to show her that despite the puffy, red eyes I was actually okay.

"Ma. She already said she's fine. There's no need for you to get worked up over the baka being an idiot like usual." Eun Jo said as he walked past the entrance.

"See, even Eun Jo can see I'm fine. I'll head up to my room to change." I said as I quickly made my escape. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Eun Jo give me a strange look.

I quickly climbed the stairs and just as I reached the top, Seung Jo's bedroom door opened. Caught of guard about having to face Seung Jo so soon, I averted my gaze and dashed into my room. I quickly shut my door and leaned heavily against it. I stayed still for a moment thinking Seung Jo would come knocking at my door. He didn't. I heard his quiet footsteps head towards the staircase and slowly begin to fade away with each step he took. I sighed. Why did I expect differently. Stupid Ha Ni.

I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. I could feel the tears welling up behind my close eyelids. I tried not to let them fall. Everyone was home right now and it wouldn't do to have my eyes all red and puffy. _So much for crying alone at home_ , I thought. I needed to be fine. I was going to go downstairs and be fine. I was going to eat dinner and be fine. I was going to have a normal conversation with the family and be fine. I was going to be fine. I opened my eyes and blinked several time to disperse the tears. No tears fell but my eyes still felt moist so I grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom.

I washed my face with soap and warm water taking care to massage my eyes. I patted my face dry and looked at myself in the mirror. With a recently washed face, I looked okay-ish. My eyes were still a bit puffy and red but besides that I looked fine. I gave myself a smile through the mirror. It came out as a grimace. I slowly exhaled and inhaled before trying again. Better.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Ha Ni, mother said to come down for dinner." It was Eun Jo.

"I'll be right there."

I waited until I heard him walk away. I went to get a sweater from my room to avoid Auntie's questions about why I didn't change before heading downstairs. I paused outside the dining room, took a deep breath, and did my best to appear as normal as possible.

"Ha Ni, there you are. We were starting to wonder where you were." Auntie was quick to greet me. "Come and sit so you can start eating."

I nodded before sitting down at my usual spot across the table from Seung Jo. Pa and Uncle were talking to each other and Auntie was talking to Eun Jo while she began serving dinner. Seung Jo and I remained quiet as dinner started.

"Why are you two so quiet this evening?" asked Auntie. "Did something happen? What did you do to poor Ha Ni you cold-hearted son of mine?"

Seung Jo calmly kept eating so I decided to try and steer the conversation away from the two of us.

"I'm just thinking about school, is all."

"Really? What's making you think so hard about it?"

"Well, I was just thinking about how I need to explore my options at school to try and figure out what career I want to pursue." I explained even though I had just thought up the excuse.

"Are you looking at a particular course," Auntie asked.

"No. I was thinking about exploring the other clubs the school has to offer."

"With your academic streak?" snickered Eun Jo. "You should focus on improving academically before trying to join any new extracurricular clubs."

"Eun Jo!" Auntie admonished. "You should be supporting Ha Ni instead of bringing her down."

"But it's true!" Eun Jo defended himself.

"He's right Auntie. I should focus on my academics first," I tried calming Auntie down.

"In that case, Seung Jo can help you out!" Auntie exclaimed excited. I flinched slightly. I didn't want to be pushed into Seung Jo's presence just when I had decided to truly separate myself from him.

"No, it's okay."

"Nonsense! Seung Jo is a great tutor. He helped you out during your high school exams and got you in the top 50. He can do it again!"

"I'll really be okay. The school has a tutoring program where I can get help. I know Seung Jo is busy with his own studies without having to worry about mine too." I tried to reason.

"But Seung Jo was already your tutor. He knows the best way to help. Right Seung Jo? Can't you tutor Ha Ni again?" Auntie asked a still quiet Seung Jo. Seung Jo took his time to respond.

"Ma, like Ha Ni said, I am busy with my own studies. And she already said she was going to get help from the school's tutoring center. There is no need for me to get involved."

"Right! If hyung doesn't have time to help me with my studies, there is no way he has time to help the baka out." Eun Jo quipped.

"Both of you be quiet. Can't you see this is important for Seung Jo's and Ha Ni's relationship to get going? You both make everything so difficult!" cried Auntie.

"Like it's even going anywhere." Eun Jo muttered loud enough for me to hear.

I finished my food quickly to avoid any further confrontation and excused myself from the table. Auntie still seemed upset about the whole tutoring situation but I knew that she would get over it soon. I thought about the dinner conversation. Eun Jo did have a point. I needed to improve academically before trying to add more to my plate if not I was not even going to have a degree to help me pursue any career. And like Seung Jo said, he wasn't the only tutor who could help me. The school had a whole center full of student tutors dedicated to helping others like me improve their terrible grades. Making up my mind, I decided to visit the tutoring center the next day and find myself a tutor, someone who wasn't Seung Jo and hopefully someone who could get me to focus on school instead of nonsense like unrequited love.


	3. Chapter 3

Hello everyone! I am so sorry for the late posting. Apparently a few days meant a few months. To be honest, I was having a difficult time writing this chapter. I wanted to introduce a new love interest for Ha Ni but that wouldn't have gone well with my attempt to portray Ha Ni as a realistic character. A new love interest appearing as soon as she makes the decision to really forget Seung Jo? Definitely not realistic. Possible, but highly improbable. But don't worry! I do plan on introducing a rival for Seung Jo. I just think it's still too early to introduce him. What I've done instead is create several opportunities to realistically introduce a rival in the future. This chapter is also a bit on the slow side (again) but I think it's an important chapter. I think it's pretty obvious why but I would like to hear my readers' opinions as well. If you think it's not an important chapter but just a boring filler one, that's fine too. Just let me know in your comments. I enjoy reading all of them.

And for those who are curious when I will post the next chapter, I won't make any promises. I don't want to say a few days for it to become a few months or maybe even years. I will say I will try to post it as soon as possible. Hopefully life and/or lack of inspiration does not delay me to much.

* * *

The next day I woke up late. So much for trying to get an early start to the tutoring center. I rushed downstairs making a big commotion like I always do when I'm late.

"Ha Ni, make sure you eat some breakfast before heading to school." Auntie said as she set down a plate for me to eat. Seung Jo got up from the table and headed towards the door. I hesitated for a moment before deciding to eat a little bit of breakfast so I wouldn't have to walk with Seung Jo. I still felt awkward around him like how one would feel around an ex. Not that we were even together in the first place to now be exes but in my mind, it felt that way. I sat down as Auntie beamed at my decision to eat the breakfast she cooked for me even though I was running late.

"Eat up."

Even though I was lagging behind to avoid Seung Jo, I knew I couldn't lag too much. I was trying to be more responsible with school and that meant attending every class on time. So I ate my breakfast as fast as possible, practically breathing it in, before thanking Auntie and rushing out of the house. When I neared the train station, I saw Seung Jo not too far ahead. In order to avoid him, I dashed past his walking form and slipped into a car several doors down the one he was accustomed to. The ride to school was peaceful and Seung Jo-free.

When the train stopped at the station near the university, I dashed off again and practically ran to campus. I'm pretty sure I looked ridiculous running like a lunatic even though I was no longer running late, but my determination to steer clear of Seung Jo kept me from thinking too much about my embarrassment.

 _Crash_

My bag along with several books, sheets of paper and another book bag went flying around. One book managed to hit me in the head.

"Ouch!" I yelped out.

"I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" Came a worried voice.

"I'm okay. Just a small bruise, "I responded while rubbing the side of my head. I looked up at the stranger I had clumsily crashed into in my attempt to avoid Seung Jo. "What about you? Are you okay? I'm sorry for crashing into you."

He looked to be a student, around my age. His dark hair was a bit on the long side and hung nicely over his forehead and covering the top part of his eyes just like Seung Jo's did when his hair was beginning to grow out. He smiled warmly at me once he noticed my staring. I couldn't help but blush at the warm smile he gave me. That was one thing Seung Jo certainly never gave me.

"Let me help you pick up your stuff," he said while bending down and gathering several of my books and papers scattered about.

"Thanks," I said while bending down and gathering my belongings alongside him.

"You should be more careful. You were lucky to run into me and not some frigid pole. At least I can help you gather your stuff while the unforgiving pole would just stay there looking down at you unmoved by your predicament," he laughed.

My thoughts immediately went to Seung Jo. Cold, unforgiving pole indeed. "R-right," I stuttered.

We finished gathering my belongings and once I had everything handed to me and safely put away, I bowed to him while once again giving my sorry and thanks.

"Well, see you. And be more careful!" he waved while walking away.

I gave one last look at his retreating back while thinking about his words. _Why must everything remind me of him?_ I shook my head trying to clear my mind of what just happened before remembering that I needed to head to class and once again dashed off.

In my rush, I did not notice the handsome young man looking on at our encounter from a distance.

Thanks to my small accident, I was running a little late but managed to arrive to class just on time. I actually walked into the classroom right behind the professor who gave me a weird look before shaking his shoulders. I guess people can never make sense of my actions.

With determination to improve my academic performance and learn as much as possible beginning today, I opened my books, took out my pen and look determinedly towards the front. After about five minutes (maybe even less) I realized that learning whatever was coming out of the professor's mouth was going to be much more difficult than I initially thought. If I could have, I would have screamed out my frustration right then and there. My inner turmoil continued for a while before reminding myself that I needed to do this, for me and my independence from Seung Jo. No doubt Seung Jo would mock me on how quickly my determination to improve academically crumbled once I realized how little I knew and understood.

I sighed and then began to write down as much as I could. I wrote down words I did not know and put question marks right next to them. I wrote down the important "points", "notes", "interpretations", and other mumbo jumbo the professor was talking about. After what seemed like a never ending lecture, the professor finally called it a day and began packing up the lesson materials. And thank goodness too because my hand was beginning to cramp from all the notes I was jotting down. I packed my books and several pages of notes and ran after the professor.

"Professor! Wait, please!" I yelled before he could exit the classroom.

"Yes Ms. Oh. What can I help you with?" He asked looking surprised. I blushed realizing that in my attempt to catch my professor's attention, I had also caught the attention of several of my classmates.

"There were some things I did not understand from the lesson" _a lot actually_ " so I wanted to know if you could explain some of it to me." I asked.

He seemed confused for a moment before saying, "Of course. But I also have an assistant who you can come to for questions about the lesson. I am a bit busy with a project right now so it would be better to ask her for help first. If you still need my help, then you can schedule an appointment. Does that sound good?"

"Yes! Thank you professor!" I exclaimed bowing.

"Right. I'll get going now."

I let the professor walk out of the classroom before standing upright again. I smiled at my initiative to get help from my professor before realizing that I didn't know who was the professor's assistant. In fact, I didn't even know he had one to begin with. My smile dropped and my shoulders slumped. I needed to get that information from somewhere. _I know, I'll start with the professor's office_ , I said to myself. I excited the classroom and turned left. Wait, wrong way. I turned back around and walked in the other direction. Wait, it's not that way either. Oh no! I don't even know where my professor's office is located. With no one around at that point, I couldn't ask a classmate if they might now where I could find our own professor's office. Defeated, I decided to just head to the cafeteria for lunch. Maybe after a full stomach, I could figure something out.


End file.
